WAR XVIII - Put a little Irish in ya'

WAR XVIII is scheduled for MONDAY, 3/16.  So, we are close enough to St. Patrick's Day to officially saulte the Irish.

Although St. Paddy's Day is a great holiday, it's kinda weird when you think about it.  It is the only holiday I can think of that celebrates by sterotype.  We celebrate Irish heritage by wearing green and getting loaded.  Weirder still - the Irish embrace it.

Hey, if they don't mind, neither do I.  Let's honor the Lepurchans with an Irish Pub Crawl.  We'll hit Austin's finer 'really , it's NOT Bennigan's' style pubs.  Expect to visit BD Reileys, Bull McCabes, Fado and Mother Egans.

If you want some Irish eats before the ride, meet at Fado (214 W. 4th) at 6:15p.  Ride starts promptly at 7:00p.  Wear green.  Ladies, feel free to show your shamrocks and kiss me - I'm Irish.

I'll buy a beer for the first person to down an Irish Car Bomb.

WAR XVII - Texas Independance Day

WAR XVII is upon us, as is my favorite National Holiday: Texas Independence Day.

On March 2 each year, we celebrate our state's independence; the signing of the declaration, the drawing of the line in the sand.  We remember San Jacinto. We remember the Alamo.  But most of all, we celebrate our Texas Pride.

We're the biggest state in the union.  No, Alaska doesn't count - if you melted the ice, we'd be bigger.  As Texans we're proud of everything in our state - our food, our beer, our football, our size, our flag, our music.  But, mostly we proud of our pride.  And we're proud of that pride too!

The Capitol is the only state capitol building taller than the U.S. Capitol.  We're the only state that can legally fly our flag at the same height as the US Flag.  That, my friend, is pride.

So, let's be proud, and proud of our pride and visit a few classic "Texas Bars".  What better way to start out than eating a bowl of the State Food of Texas - Chili.  We'll then make our way around the city, visiting Scholtz's Beer Garten and Donn's Depot as well as a few Texas landmarks.

Meet at TCP (Texas Chili Parlor - 14th & Lavaca) at 6:30pm, this Wednesday - 2/25 for dinner.  Ride will begin at 7:15 sharp, so be there early if you want a bowl of red.

Bring lights, lock, helmet and friends.  Drinking at least one Lone Star will be mandatory.  Oh, and Don't Mess With Texas.

The Map

WAR XVI - You're a Dick

WAR XVI is scheduled for Wednesday, Feb 11.  On this day in 2006, our (ex) Vice President shot an 80 year old dude in the face.  With a shotgun.  In the face.

The hell of it is, that was about the kindest thing he did all year!  Mr. Cheney, you really are quite a Dick.  Now that the bastard is gone, let's salute his face-shooting with a bike ride.  I'm sure Dick would approve of us stopping for a beer or two.  He's had two DWIs.

So, since I couldn't find a bar called 'Evil's' or 'Darth Vader's Lounge', I've composed the ride around three words which adaquately describe the face-shooter.  Dirty, Nasty and Mean.

So the ride will visit Dirty Bill's, The Mean Eyed Cat and Nasty's.  If you want some food beforehand, let's meet at El Arroyo (1624 W. 5th St.) at 6pm.  We will be riding at 7pm.  Ride ends at the Mean Eyed Cat, so you can park in the general area.  The weather is supposed to clear up nicely tomorrow with temps in the 70s.  Bring a front and back light and a friend.  Just don't shoot them.

Oh, Wedneday is also Sarah Palin's birthday.  Weird, huh?

THE MAP

WAR XV - Animals

This week's WAR ride will be a salute, or shout-out, as the kids say these days to our furry friends.  No, not me, it's NOT back hair - it's extremely upper chest hair.  I'm talking our LITTLE furry friends - the animals.

I love animals, they are delicious.  So, this week, let's eat a few and wash them down with a cold beer.  It is chilly, so wear something made of your favorite animal (in this weather my fave is goose).

Our ride will feature three animal themed bars.

Meet at Spider House (2908 Fruth St) at 6:30 for a dinner.  We will head out at 7:15.

Next is the Dog & Duck, followed by the Hole in the Wall. (you know, where the rats and mice live...work with me)

Dress warm...bring a friend.  And wear your animal print undies!  

WAR XIV - Changes

2009.  New Year.  New President.  New Resolutions.  Lots of changes.  So rather than slipping back into the normalcy of fearing change, we are going to embrace it.

As the man said, "Turn and face the strange."  He also told me take my protein pills and put my helmet on, but that is a different ride.

Ch..ch..ch..changes!

We'll start the ride at Drungo's Ice House at 29th and Guadalupe.  If you have lived in Austin or went to school here, you know this place as HangTown, Pongo's, etc. etc. etc.  I think this restaurant changes ownership monthly.  Meet there at 6:30 if you want food and/or snacks.  Ride starts promptly at 7:15.

 I can't trace time....Cedar Door.  This bar has moved three times.  Not the concept, the whole BAR, man.  You might remember it by the power plant, or if you are really old where the convention center is currently.  If you had a beer at the original location on 15th street, bring your Metamucil tabs.

Turn and face the strange....the Gingerman is leaving.  Those fucking condos again.  They took Waterloo Brewing next door and now they are taking the Gingerman.  It's not all bad news the G-Man found a new location close by.   They will be moving very soon, so this could be your last chance to grab a $7 beer at the original location.

Time may change me....Little Woodrow's is the next stop.  And no, you HAVEN'T been there, jackass.  Remember the Showdown?  No? - Remember throwing up in that bar on the drag?  Yeah, THAT was the Showdown.  Sadly, it is no longer there.  However, Little Woodrows is - forever to be known as 'the other Little Woodrows'.  As an added benefit, you can still puke there.

Ride is short, under 10 miles.  Bring a front and rear light and a lock.  It should warm up tomorrow, but don't get cold - dress for the weather.

Change - Yes we can!

See you there, bring a friend.

THE MAP

WAR XIII - The Great White North

The WAR Ride makes it's 13th appearance this week in the great white north.

Put on your tooks,  grab your mounties and head up north of town this week!  It is time to visit our cousins to the north, eh?  This week we will officially surrender to the cold by honoring 'America's Attic' with a Northen Austin tour.

Oh...Canada.  You have the biggest case of penis envy ever.  You are just so cute travelling abroad with your maple flag backpacks and your Palin-inspired drawl.  Oh...Canada...you've given us the good (Neil Young, Cowboy Junkies) the bad (Bryan Adams, Celine Dion) and the ugly (Cory Hart and Cory Haim - both Corys? really Canada??)  But, Canada, you have really enjoyed the past eight years, haven't you?  Looking down your nose when we made international fools of ourselves...loving it when us USAmericans claimed to be from Toronto when travelling abroad.  But, Canada...oh, Canada...your Prime Minister just dismantled Parliament when impeachment was threatened.  Oh Canada...it's aboot time you feel our pain.  We salute you, eh?

From an actual web-site debunking 'Top 10 Myths about (aboot) Canada':

#1 (Yes...NUMBER ONE)  -  Myth: We live in igloos. Reality: We live in houses, and they are very well built houses.

Oh Canada....that is awesome!

We will hit a few of Austin's finer Roadhouse establishments, including Lala's (where it's always Christmas), the Poodle Dog (where it's always toothless), Ginny's and Billy's.  Hell, just call it the Canadian Roadhouse Tour (no Swayze isn't Candadian, but Cory Hart was in Roadhouse 2).

Meet: Billy's   2105 Hancock Dr  (Burnet and Hancock)

Time: Meet for dinner at 6pm, ride starts at 7pm

Bring: Lights, locks, warmth, and a friend

THE MAP

Jingle Bell Ride

Pull up your stockings and grab your Ho's, because we are joining this year's annual Jingle Bell ride.

For one night, the Trail of Tears...errr...Lights is open to cyclists.  So, skip the parking hassle and crowds this year and join us.

The ride starts at 6pm at the baseball fields at Zilker (back entrance to Bartron Springs).  Meet up early at Uncle Billy's BBQ on Barton Springs road for Happy Hour - 5pm.  The Jingle Bell Ride has a long and short version.  The official WAR ride will be, of course, doing the long ride (about 8 miles).  This is a great ride to bring the family and kids on as well.  There should be several hundred riders - lots of little ones.

The ride hits the Trail of Lights, followed by a Hot Chocolate and Cookie stop at the Mopac Bridge.  Santa's little elves will ride back via the hike and bike, while the Reindeer will take a tour of Austin Neighborhoods that have been lit up like a Damn Christmas Tree.

Sadly, whoever planned the route forgot to include beer stops.   So, this ride is B.Y.O.H.C (Bring Your Own Holiday Cheer).  Nog it up, dude!  I'll be towing the tunes box with my collection of obnoxious christmas songs (who wants a Hippopotamus for Xmas?).

Ride details: http://bicyclesportshop.com/page.cfm?pageId=1331

The Map:  http://www.thebikechick.com/BSS/Jingle_Bell_Ride_08.pdf